My First Adoption FAQ

1. A FAQ? How hackneyed and overdone. Why a FAQ?
Wow, thanks for that vote of confidence, and what a great way to start. I'm doing a FAQ for several reasons:

a) I've been redoing our FAQ's for the past few weeks at work. It's a format that I'm comfortable with and one that is too stuck in my brain for me to compose in any other way.

b) We've been working through these same issues/questions for about a year now. In my mind, at least, they're still formed as questions, not stories. Stories get told, questions get asked and answered.

c) Contrary to popular opinion, I love Dean Barnett's FAQ's over at hughhewitt.com. They're one of my favorite things on that site, and imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. At least, that's what my Mom always said.

2. Adopting? Are you crazy?
Yes, we're adopting (or, to be more precise, we're beginning the process of adopting).

No, we're not crazy. At least, none of us here have been professionally diagnosed as such. There will be some sort of evaluation as part of the process, so if that diagnosis changes, you'll be one of the first to know.

3. You've already got 4 kids. How many do you want?
Well, the Sunday School answer is, "Jesus." Just kidding (although I did get that answer last week, in Sunday School, to a question whose answer was most decidedly not "Jesus;" so it's not just a cliche).

But the Sunday School answer, for us, is, "We want as many kids as God sends our way."

As a practical matter, this time around the block, we're looking to adopt 2 more kids, preferably a sibling pair, preferably girls.

To get back to the Sunday School answer, I had asked my wife a few weeks ago (after we had decided on 2 more kids and on a Toyota Sienna as the 8-passenger vehicle of choice) what would happen if someone we knew died and we got their 3 or 4 kids to raise. Without missing a beat, without looking away from the dishes, she said, "We'll get a bigger van."

So there you go.

4. How do you plan on feeding and schooling all those kids?
To be honest, we don't plan on it. We're going by faith that God will provide for whatever kids He sends our way. Again, to quote a very wise woman, "Do you really think that God would give you those children and then not provide for them?" No ma'am, I don't.

He is already giving us everything we need for our current crop of kids, sometimes miraculously, sometimes through the generosity of friends and family. But He is faithful. Why would He stop now?

5. Sam just finished potty-training. Do you really want to go back to diapers again?
Eek! No! Why does everyone assume that adoption means babies? No babies, please. I mean, maybe. Perhaps. But we're not seeking out infants or toddlers.

Our main age limit is that we don't want anyone older than Timothy, for a variety of reasons. Also, if (if, and if) we get another boy, we'd like for him to be younger than Stephen. But, aside from mathematical and biological limits, we have no lower boundary on ages.

6. If you want more kids so badly, why not have them yourself?
We can't. 'Nuff said.

7. Why not just support kids through places like Compassion International?
We do already, and we'd like to add more. But we've got a pretty big house, and a pretty welcoming family, and there are kids here in Georgia without either. So we'll do that too, unless there's a rule that says you can't do both. And there's not, is there?

8. Where are you going to put them?
Well now, that's a good question.

Actually, it's more of an issue before the adoption rather than after. Right now, our kids double up in rooms, and sometimes even in beds. Why? Because they like it. Jonah and Sam are the only people in the house who sleep in their own bed, and Jonah is the only one who likes the arrangement. But even they share a room.

Timothy has expressed interest in the past of having his own room. But he won't sleep by himself, so it's a moot point. So once the new kids join the family (in the strictest, DFACs-related, legal sense), we'll treat those kids just like family and put them in rooms in a way that best fits their wants and available square footage. My guess is that they'll want to share a room with each other.

Plus, we have an extra bedroom downstairs that Timothy and Stephen have been eying (they think the computer will stay in there once they move in; it will not). And there's also the other half of my office that we had already planned on finishing out as a teenager bedroom. We'll just do it 10 years early if necessary.

But, during Placement, when the new kids live with us for 6 months before we adopt, DFACs says they can't be in mixed gender rooms, as well as other potential requirements. So, during that time, we may squeeze all 4 of our current crop into the truly gargantuan room that Timothy and Stephen share right now. Seriously, we could put two double-bed lofts in that room and not make a dent in available space.

So yes, we've thought about it, and this blessed, God-provided house can accommodate whatever Bethany Christian Services can throw at it.

9. Girls? Do you know how to deal with girls?
No. But my wife is a girl, and I assume she'll help out some. Plus, we had a girl stay with us for 3 whole days. And she neither died nor turned into a boy, so we can't be too bad at it.

Seriously, though. I didn't know how to deal with boys 9 years ago. But I prayed a lot, read some books, talked with other folks who have kids, and asked my own parents tons of questions. Then I prayed more.

And I assume that God's provision doesn't stop at checks in the mail. He also provides wisdom, patience, peace, etc.

10. First Adoption FAQ? You mean there'll be more?
Perhaps.